My dearest MST3K,
I, a lone Mistie in a lonely world, ache for your sweet embrace. The mere thought of you fills my heart with warmth, gladness, and memories of episodes past.
Remember romping through the desert in search of Eegah? Or how MITCHELL! helped Trumpy guide us to Torgo's home? Ah, what fond memories. I miss your large, ample catalog (available now from SHOUT FACTORY!) and your ever-so-exhilarating introductions. Of course, I wept when Joel had to leave, but you easily replaced him with Mike, just like a parent buys their kid a goldfish after the family dog dies.
You'll never know how much I dream you. The sounds of Servo and Crow remind me of children at play. Gypsy draws thoughts of a happy female bus driver, and the quips between The Mads and the bots could lull me to sleep every night. (And they do.)
I know we went through some changes in the later years. You changed your theme song (again), and you swapped out The Mads for the mom. Sure, I wasn't sure how I was going to react when Pearl took over and had Bobo and Brain Guy become the new TV's Frank, but I gave you a chance, and you didn't disappoint. Every time you made a change for us, it was always a welcome surprise... and I was overjoyed when I heard you were with child!
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return is proof of our love. Just when I thought I couldn't love you more, you bestowed upon me a child born of passion, dedication, and the occasional "Huzzah!" She has her father's eyes and her mother's endurance.
Thinking of you always and watching with gusto,